Happy Single Parent Appreciation Day! (whew!)

Have you hugged a single parent today?

Move over St. Patty--just when you thought Hallmark had every holiday covered, here's a new one: Saturday, March 21, is "Single Parent Appreciation Day!" While you probably won't see it in bold letters on your calendar, if you're a single parent it is a good excuse to put on your best outfit, call on a few friends, and go out on the town without the kids for a change! Or treat yourself and the kids to a special trip for all of you like to Disney. And if you're not a single parent but know one that is, you may want to offer to take them out or even watch the kids for a few hours and give them a break (thanks Leslie & Joe for doing this for me already! :) 

As we all know, being a single parent has a multitude of challenges that are unique to the situation. But there are resources out there that can help. I have recently come across the book, "Parenting on Your Own," by author Lynda Hunter. This book is written in a "Q & A" fashion, where single parents ask a variety of questions from legal issues like custody and child support to how to deal with your emotions as a single parent to dating and getting remarried. It is an easy read and has some insightful information for single parents.

So here's a "Happy Single Parent Appreciation Day" shout-out to all the single parents in South Florida (and beyond). Make it a great day to celebrate your greatest gift: your family! 

Parenting Through Tough Economic Times

For many single parents, parenting alone is hard enough, let alone on one income. Even divorced parents who get a monthly payment from an ex-spouse say their standard of living is not the same as when they were married. According to Money Central at MSN.com, single women, who are the majority of single-parent households, earn an average of $26,500 a year. Child support averages about $5,800 a year. You do the math. And on top of it, they have to live with the knowledge that they're the only thing standing between them and their children and the edge of the cliff--there is no other partner there standing in the gap during these tough economic times. 

According to Kiplinger's Personal Finance, there are things single parents can do to give themselves a little bit more security. First, make a budget and stick to it and put aside any few extra dollars each month into an emergency "just-in-case" fund. Also, consider getting a roommate if you have enough room (obviously someone who would get along with the kids), or consider downsizing to a smaller home. Contribute money to a flexible spending account, which reimburses you for some out-of-pocket medical expenses. Also, make sure that the IRS is working for you--there are plenty of tax breaks for parents that can help make ends meet. If childcare is an issue, try to form a group of parents where you can trade off babysitting at no cost. I have a group of parents that I met through my daughter's school and we often rely on each other for last minute babysitting emergencies.

The biggest thing is to realize you are not alone. There are parenting support groups out there that can help you make a budget, give dating advice, and overall parenting advice. Some include:

• Parents Without Partners (www.parentswithoutpartners.org); 
• Single Parents Network (www.singleparentsnetwork.com);  
• Single Family Voices (www.singlefamilyvoices.com); 
• and The Parenting Place (www.theparentingplace.com).

The forums on some of these sites are especially helpful since you can talk to other single parents (both men and women) who are going through the same thing you are. 

So, hang in there and know you're not alone. We can get through this together!

KJ 

The Circle of Friends

"Should auld aquaintance be forgot, and never brought to min?" --Robert Burns, Scottish Poet (so that's where that line that came from ;)  As we begin this New Year, I am reflecting on how much I appreciate my circle of friends, "auld" and new. 

When you're a single parent, a lot of times you have to make decisions unilaterally--what school a child should attend; should you move to another town; how to invest your money. However, never forget when you have a big decision to make to utilize your "best" advisors--the ones you have "chosen" to have in your lives, the ones who not only love you but who have your back--your friends. 

I have been blessed with a circle of friends going back decades that have always been there for me (and hopefully I for them). They supported me when I adopted my child, patiently listened to me when I've explained my latest E-Harmony "horror" story (if you've ever been on E-Harmony you may know what I'm talking about :), and given advice when I've needed it, whether when changing jobs or pursing an advanced degree. Their friendship is priceless.

If you're a single parent, please don't feel like you have to go it alone. Your friends are people you can and should count on but they can't help unless you ask. And if you feel you don't have friendships like those, go out and make them but remember it takes two to be friends--you have to be there for them as much as they are there for you. As poet/author Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one; a friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud." And my personal Emerson favorite, "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." 

This is a thank you to my circle of friends. Let our friendship be longer than our lives and as deep as our emotions: "I find friendship to be like wine, raw when new, ripened with age, the true old man's milk and restorative cordial."  --Thomas Jefferson

KJ