Tonight she had a whopper of a tantrum because I wouldn't let her use a purse as her school book bag (it's a really long story that I won't bore you with) and, in fact, she got so wound up that she fell asleep at 6:30 p.m. The last time she went to bed this early, she woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 3:00 a.m. So, I'd better go to bed early tonight since it appears I'll be up in a few hours making breakfast!
My guess is that she was really tired and that's what caused today's meltdown, not the other way around, however it really doesn't seem to help to know what the cause is while the tantrum is occurring; what I need to know is how to diffuse it once it starts and I'll deal with all the psycho mumbo-jumbo later.
My sister, Nancy, just happened to be over to witness part of the standoff and reminded me this was "junk behavior." She's attending foster parenting classes and that's what they label negative behavior that is merely attention seeking; they basically recommend that you ignore it or it'll get worse. The idea is this: giving attention to any behavior, good or bad, will escalate it so if the behavior is negative, ignoring it will stop it. Nice concept, however the person that thought that up apparently has never had to deal with a child yelling even louder because you're ignoring the behavior!
Being a single parent poses additional challenges to dealing with negative child behavior. You don't have someone you can "pass the baton" off to when you've reached your limit. But, on the other hand, the child also can't run to your partner in an effort to manipulate the situation in their favor, which I understand from several of my friends is a common problem (My two cents on that: anyone who doesn't show a unified front with the other parent in front of the child, regardless if they think their partner was right or wrong, had only to look at a couple of recent celebrity marriages gone bad to see how successful that strategy is!)
Whether you're a single parent or not, if you have any great tips on this topic, please post them! Thanks!
KJ
P.S. Morning update: she slept through the night and woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and her usual sweet self!
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6 comments:
I divide temper tantrums into 2 columns: I'm tired/hungry/been asked to sit in 1 spot too long
and 2) I want what I want now.
The first can be alleviated and the # of times it happens minimized by regular meal and snack times with good food (a mix of protein, carb and not lots of sugar) and recognizing the limits of what your child can do at what age (i.e. music, movement and play help kids learn - they're not a "distraction".) The second scenario can be minimized with rules kids know ahead of time. You get 3 cookies at snack time (no daily debate), you get a new toy when you get a flu shot or after a doctor visit and special occasions(not every time we go to walmart). These rules have to be personalized for your family and your child's personality, but they help bring structure and security to her world and help you keep focused on the really important things like hugging, tickling and playing with the angel in your life!
Cool Yoga Mom! Thanks!
One other lesson learned in foster parenting classes is to constantly try to find the child doing something good and rewarding that good behavior accordingly. The theory is that the more you do this the less they will misbehave because they connect good behavior with getting attention. Not being a full-time mom just yet, not sure this theory is accurate, but thought I'd pass it along.
Thanks Nancy!
Thanks Nancy!
I agree with Nancy. I think focusing on positives--especially when there are so many other changes for a child to deal with--is a great strategy. : )
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